:: Santa Himself - What Santa Wants For Christmas ::
And now, a very special visit to the Record Robot from Santa himself. Though this recording of Santa's voice is nearly 40 years old, and is reproduced via a technology that in this digital age is considered passé and inferior, one can still hear in his voice a certain forced quality. Like maybe he doesn't always use his "Santa voice" unless he's talking to little kids or something. And what's with all the God talk anyway? How does religion enter into this? I mean, Santa equals toys. That's all there is to it. Santa does not equal socks or underwear. Your parents get that shit for you from J.C. Penney or Walmart or some depressing place like that. Also, I think maybe Santa gets a little thrill by suggesting kids go out and tell their playmates next door that they "love them very much". You know, some little kid's gonna get the shit kicked out of him by the homophobic 8 year old bully next door, and Santa goes "ho ho ho!". This dude's scary looking too. He says he's hundreds of years old, so I guess he looks pretty good considering, but that ain't sayin' much. And what's with the picture on the back cover where he's doing the Michael Jackson crotch grab thing? Is this guy a sick fuck or what?
Anyway, I sure hope he brings me that new Sota turntable I asked him for, with the Graham Nightingale tonearm I've had my eye on and the Transfiguration cartridge. If not, fuck 'im.