Sailing The Seas Of Cheese

:: Port Authority - Ride Captain Ride ::

:: Port Authority - Wild Turkey ::

I've never been tempted to post an entire freaking album on here before, until now. From the briny docks of Washington DC's Navy Yard, this is the United States Navy Band, Port Authority. There are 4 covers and 3 originals on this amazing piece of work. According to a note on the back, this album was not to be sold, but rather used as a recruiting tool for the Navy. Evidently they were looking for a few good men. With this music, I think you'd probably take in a lot of Herb Tarleks.

What I am not sharing with you is their hilariously white cover of the Michael Jackson weeper She's Out Of My Life, or their flaccid reading of the old R&B rocker Money, Honey, and you really should thank me for not putting up their cover of a Manhattan Transfer song called Twilight Zone/Twilight Tone which contains some really dreadful Rod Serling impersonations, and sounds like the kind of thing you'd hear in that Navy the Village People sang about. We're talking jazz hands and glittery Danskins here. You are also not getting two other originals, I'm Coming Home and Reflections. Each have jaw-dropping moments, and I mean the kind of jaw-dropping like you just saw your grandmother shoot a fork out of her ass and kill the cat.

What I am giving you is their astounding cover of Ride Captain Ride, which I cannot begin to do justice to with mere words. Well, I do have one word: stiff. But there's so much going on here; I almost cried when I heard it the first time. And because you acted now: you also receive, at no additional charge, the Port Authority original number, Wild Turkey. It's an unholy instrumental stew of Chicago, Steely Dan, 70's game show music, Mike Post, Chuck Mangione, and the Cantina Band from Star Wars. I happen to have a bottle of Wild Turkey about two feet away from me, and listening to this just about had me grabbing for it.

I am sure these guys were just trying to do their bit to help recruit, and probably had a blast being able to work in making music as part of their duties. But man, this stuff is funny. They can all play their instruments pretty damn well, but where's the soul? Why, it's been strangled by military precision. All things considered, I feel a lot better when these guys are out killin' folks.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005 5:19:00 AM

This is the funniest critique I have ever read. Hilarious stuff!!    

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 7:45:00 AM

Tony & Record Robot...

Funny! Great review. Love this site!

See you at the funeral for the cat.

- Michael D    

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 1:49:00 AM


Wednesday, December 07, 2005 8:48:00 AM

WOW. In "Wild Turkey" it's like they tried to make every change as funny as possible!    

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 10:03:00 PM

Wow. If I'd had this when I was in high school it would have become my third most played album, right behind Yes's Tormato and Asia's Alpha. What a gloomy thought.    

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 11:09:00 AM

As one of the original members of this group prior to this recording, I have to say, well . . . never mind.    

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 11:12:00 AM

Oh please do say something! I listen to Ride Captain Ride all the time. I'd love to hear some, er, war stories. If you felt like sharing.    

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 11:20:00 AM

Me too post.


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