Phil's Last Article Before He Takes His New Job At Hallmark
:: Flag of Democracy - Guimo's Theme ::
Like any guy, I dislike Valentine’s Day each year, regardless of whether I’m single or not. I mean, if you’re in a relationship, you’re shelling out bucks for dinner, gifts and whatever else while still recuperating from the debt Christmas put you in. And, of course, if you happen to be girlfriend-less, the day serves as a reminder that you’ll be spending yet another night alone while the rest of humanity is getting laid. My favorite Valentine memory is from a few years ago when I was dating a girl who wore ratty cotton underwear with more holes than the face of Dick Cheney’s hunting buddy. Nothing sexy existed in this girl’s panty drawer. So, I thought I’d get a gift for myself as well as for her and went to Victoria’s Secret to pick out a bunch of tiny satin and lace numbers. Lest you think me completely selfish, these were in addition to dinner reservations at a pricey restaurant, and tickets to some play she wanted to see. [ Insert whip-cracking sound effect ]. During the ride back to her place at the end of the night, we started arguing over something and I can’t remember the details, but I do recall those last, final words she yelled through the window after dumping me and slamming the car door – “I’m wearing the panties you gave me, and you’ll never get to see me in them.” Ah, marvelous girl. I was really quite fond of her.
So, in the spirit of the holiday, I thought I’d put up a track that seems more fitting than some shitty love song. F.O.D.’s, “Guimos’ Theme,” a charming little song about trying to commit suicide, is one of the more melodic cuts off of their first LP from 1986, Shatter Your Day. It’s one of my favorite songs off of one of my favorite albums of the 1980s, and vocalist James McMonagle’s agonized screaming can serve as a wonderfully therapeutic remedy to your Valentine Day ills.