I Offer You My Genitalia
:: Hammerhead - Jewels ::
Kim Fowley is a renaissance nut. The son of prolific character actor Douglas Fowley, who appeared in Singin' In The Rain, Gunsmoke, and in the Eddy Arnold hicksploitation piece, Hoedown, he's had his nose in innumerable hit records, and even more non-hit records. He's co-written songs with such artists as The Byrds, KISS, and Helen Reddy. He's got walls extravagantly adorned with Gold Records. He's creeped out a lot of ladies. He was the man behind The Runaways, an all-girl rock band whose ranks included future metal pin-up goddess Lita Ford and the swarthy Joan Jett. And he's done a lot of solo work, including the hilariously titled Animal God Of The Streets, and what's recognized as perhaps the first LSD song, The Trip. He's still at it; a 2003 release called Sand contains a song "inspired by Kim's first trip to a Wal-Mart in 1994." So I guess he's not always ahead of the game. If you want to read more, I suggest We Got The Neutron Bomb, the Los Angeles foil to Please Kill Me. Actually, both books are highly recommended.
So... you may have noticed I haven't said a damn thing about this record. That's only because I could find nothing about the band who recorded it. There's another band called Hammerhead from more recent times, this is definitely not them. This song is a complete and utter Led Zeppelin ripoff, and it's about jewels. Except in this salty shuffle, jewels means family jewels, as in genitalia. So when the singer belts out in his best faux-Plant, "Take good care of my jewels," what he's really saying is: "Take good care of my genitalia." Not very appetizing, is it? Neither is the rather awkward and unseemly mention of plasma. But this tune is a shining example of an opportunist like Fowley working all kinds of angles to score another hit. I wouldn't be surprised if this band was handpicked by him because they could sound like Zeppelin; I'm sure you could find Zep followers and imitators all over the Strip around 1975.
One other note: this song was co-produced by Neil Norman, son of GNP Crescendo Records head Gene Norman, and one of the foremost experts on, and collectors of, sci-fi music. This thing could've used some theremin.